What do you do when your dog 'walks in and put the kettle on'?
We talk a lot with our adopters about the likely possibility of the dogs being very scared indeed on arrival. This of course can happen to any dog no matter how confident, or, indeed, shy, they were at the fosters or small rescues we work with, both in Romania and dogs at our UK fosters. Any dog/pup as it matures can go through ‘fear stages’ whether they’ve been a rescue dog or not. Many studies actually show dogs from breeders are more likely to have exaggerated fear stages compared to rescue dogs mostly due to lack of socialisation at the right times, or being removed from the mother too soon; but the latter can also happen with rescue pups that have been dumped or abandoned.. We call this reaction 'oh my god the floor is lava'!
So of course our decompression guidelines and rules absolutely apply. As it says in our FAQs for the first few days, and even a week only provide the dogs with primary needs:
a warm space that is safe to be left in peace
food
water
and clear directions on where to go to the toilet.
Too much fuss is a nopetrying to train too soon is a nope expecting them to meet all your family and friends, kids, dogs, cats, gerbils, hamsters… is also a nope. Whether your dog seems scared to you or not. You do not know the dog (yet!), or its body language- don’t assume. If ’the floor is lava’ and they don't want to walk on the floor, use towels, pup pads or blankets and the Valerian/CBD/hemp oil drops on the blankets (and in their food) as it is a proven calming agent, and also 100% natural. They may be scared to death of doorways, and refuse to go through them. They may find the weirdest places are their safe space like behind your back on the sofa or armchair, under a TV unit, in a bike rack, in a bush in the garden all night or even in a decorative fireplace (yes these are real examples!). They may be is terrified of all this weird new 'outside' then once they are outside be terrified of going into that scary new 'inside'. You just never know.
But what happens if, as we call it, that your dog 'walks in and put the kettle on'? This absolutely can cause its own problems.It lulls owners into a false sense of security that the dog is relaxed and doing well. The dog is not relaxed. Your boy or girl is in a heightened sense of negative stress activity and overexcitement
it will try and follow you everywhere
jump up fully alert the second you move even if they seem to be asleep
it will try and 'love bomb’ which is actually manipulative behaviour due to fear, and bond too fast with you- a classic sign of insecurity in humans and dogs!
he or she may be fine for a while then suddenly regress or go backwards in their behaviour which can also be down to fear stages and may coincide,
This is an absolute no-no as this can lead to fear or negative stress bonding which can cause defensive behaviour that looks aggressive when it isn’t- it’s based on being scared to death and not knowing what you wanted them to do as well as being overstimulated. And you will have caused the problem, not the dog. They may not sleep, and that they absolutely have to do in order to process hundreds of new events they see every day when they arrive. They need to be sleeping all through the day, not just at night, but also between activities like walks, baths, discovering the garden, learning what a TV is, and so on. This is greatly helped by the valerian/CBD/hemp oil in our products list that we ask all the adopters to get- it is vital to help even out the first few days whether your dog thinks the floor is lava or whether your dog walks in and put the kettle on. So no matter what your dog does when they arrive even- especially!- if they look like they are having absolute blast, follow to the letter our decompression rules when you receive them (after a successful house check). It is arguably even more important if your dog looks relaxed that you do not let your guard down and think you he or she is fine, let our rules lapse and wind down decompression too soon. The dog is not fine. They are still desperate to please you, desperate to find out what you want in a good dog. You absolutely must keep your rules very clear and consistent but especially when they seem to be happy and confident, they are looking you for guidance. If you as pack leader do not provide clear and strong guidance, fear bonding is a lot more likely, which we want to avoid at all costs. Ignore ignore ignore and keep your distance during the quarantine period at the very least, provide the basics only (1-4 above). You have prepared for the worst and hoped for the best, and it looks like the best has just walked through your door. But they are still scared- it is just their temperament is making them fake it. And if they present their belly, in the first couple of days (especially), they are not relaxed , they are submitting to you, hoping that you won’t hurt them, by being 'cute’ and vulnerable. Do not see this as an invitation to grab, pick up, tousle or engage in rough play. Slowly introduce them to new skills, things like leads and harnesses; people and other pets. Use toys to distract them away from bonding with you too fast. Act as if they are coming scared to death as you expected: treat them carefully encourage them very slowly and engage with them gently. It is totally the luck of the draw whether you get a ‘lava’ dog or a ‘kettle’ dog during decompression or anywhere between the two and back again! But no matter how they arrive, the rules are the same. For a deeper look into fear bonding, give this a go !