Dogs and Children and How To Train Them!
We at Lora’s Luck do not automatically reject people who enquire about adoptions when those families include small children. Many rescues do not adopt to such families full stop due to biting incidents. This is mostly due to the language around pairing young kids and dogs or pups is all wrong. People say ‘the dog must be good with children’ yet often do not expect the same from the small humans. Never have we heard the phrase ‘we will make sure our kids are good with dogs’. And we’d like to hear it much more often! it is almost NEVER the dog’s fault if it bites- it’s the ONLY way they can tell you something is wrong. And by then it is too late, the dog can be taken from you and put to sleep.
Having a dog is teamwork. EVERY family member must be ready for that new arrival.
And that includes you! Think about what you’re actually asking- you are expecting the rescue, shelter or foster where the dog is to already exactly match your lifestyle before even meeting you. Some shelters have 500+ dogs in, and more being dumped daily, they're too busy saving their lives, feeding, vaccinating, walking, spaying/neutering and testing their dogs to run a simulation of your life for you. And saying the dog must be ‘good with kids’ doesn’t mean it’ll be good with YOUR kids if your kids aren’t 'trained'.
How is that realistic or fair?
Also, have a think about where the rescue, shelter or foster is going to get a cat from to test on the dogs, let alone a kid, if one or more are not already in residence! YOU are the adult, YOU are in charge- YOU need to adapt to your new dog far more than it adapts to you, but also because you’re the adult so you are IN CHARGE and set the RULES. A dog lives to please you so extend it the same courtesy and meet it half way-have your ducks on a row before you even think of adopting, whether you have kids (or other pets!) or not. And plans of action in place should mistakes happen- which of course they can! Please give that dog a chance to show you how amazing it can be! But you have to be a bit amazing too, to match the dog...
Get young kids to learn how to be respectful by showing them YouTube videos that instruct parents and kids how to act around their new doggy arrival. And/or videos of families going to petting zoos, urban farms and most importantly of all, animal rescues, so they can see how to treat the animals they meet.
Then go to petting zoos or urban farms (or real farms with permission) to meet the real thing if you can. Do things like this as often as possible, so it feels natural to them to be around animals and love animals. If friends or family members have dogs who are already comfortable round children go on a little walk with them, meet the dog off its territory. Show the children they can’t just touch a new dog, if they meet one out and about like at the park, that they have to ask their humans. And not to approach too suddenly with hands up, keep hands by the sides and bring hands up UNDER dog chins, NOT down onto the dog’s head or body.
Then practice being respectful to a dog’s space, ears, paws and above all TAIL, MOUTH and EYES by practising on a ‘toy’-a virtual pup first(there are lots of good apps out there like the ones here that register if you’ve fed or fussed or been good to a pup, even to the point of virtually ‘dying' if you ‘forget’ to feed them) that is ONLY used to show the child how to do that. An excellent (if very long!) study on the effectiveness of virtual pets can be found here; showing how using such apps increase a child's caring skills and empathy levels- and awareness of an animal's needs. Then try a battery powered dog like this that moves and is VERY different to their normal toys. Give it a name so the children can connect better to it. Say ‘ow’ to the child is rough with it if a mechanical toy, stands or sits on it even by accident, or tries to poke or pull it. Or get them a farm set to show how to provide shelter and care for animals. Explain that all animals pups hurt just the same as they do, and they should be nice to the pup so the pup is nice to them. Other toys can be gummed, thrown, scuffed about, even drawn on- but the dog one? NEVER, not even as a joke.
The ‘dog’ gets fed, walked, brushed, put to bed, have a collar and lead and/or harness on, shown where the ‘toilet’ is (even when it’s raining or getting dark for example) even a shower if it’s a type of toy that will safely dry out to be used again, just like a real dog. This will teach them a dog’s routine and show them that while a dog is work, it’s also fun and really rewarding as dogs give back far more than they are given in love and companionship.
DO NOT encourage kids to pick the toy up all the time, walk the toy to them and with them and explain only if the 'dog' 'asks' is it ok to pick them up or touch them. Show them that adults must be asked about the dog if they’re curious about what dogs do; no games or 'experiments’ carried out.
Children may be small humans, but they are curious, growing, learning humans and with a little work in advance, welcoming a new furry kid to your family will go a LOT better. And as humans, little or not, they should be the ones who are 'trained', as much as any dog or pup, how to act with animals. However, even if you think they’ve learned all the lessons, DO NOT leave them alone in a room together till you have seen over a good time- could be days, weeks or even months- that both the pup and the kids have bonded and respect each other…then one day when they have kids of their own and want a dog, they have years of experience of what to do and will also be great dog parents too!
You may have seen, or even been in ‘cute’ kid and puppy photos. I know I was one of those kids, just about every photo of me almost from birth was with a dog. But I was taught all these things as early as possible too. My family bred dogs and we lived in the country at the time, so training the kid was done just the same as training a pup! And while I was never bitten, most of my friends were by dogs who, in hindsight, had been pushed beyond all endurance by the kids.
When the pup arrives, keep the same discipline with the pup and kids at the same time. They can learn together and grow together, just like so many of us managed to do when we were kids. Tell your kids where the dog is from (edit that information at your discretion as some dogs do have bad starts of course) and that it will be scared at first as it is surrounded by strangers who they don't know or trust yet. Tell them to remember their first day in school, or going to the dentist, or their first time without their mum(s) and/or dad(s) so they can relate.
If this sounds like a lot of effort, maybe you should wait till the kids are older, or try these suggestions and steps yourself so you’re confident of teaching your kids, before you get a dog. As if you say ‘I want a dog that’s good with kids’ that’s what you’re expecting a dog to be able to do all this before you’ve even taught it the rules.
*All photos are stock pictures and not Lora's Luck dogs that are available to adopt.**All underlined parts of this blog will take you to useful videos and/or products. We do not accept responsibility for video contents or products but they have been viewed and deemed suitable for children.
*** Of course this advice is age sensitive. Babies will get little from a video, and older kids might feel patronised by 'little kid' toys and videos. Real life experience can appeal to kids of all ages done carefully and correctly.